I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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