when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
