I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
