ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
