Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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