I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
