Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
