Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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