Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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