drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
