hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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