Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
