I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
