That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
