i just wanna soil my oats bro
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
