Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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