I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
