Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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