fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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