Umm I'm too high to move.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
