Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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