hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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