He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
