Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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