I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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