if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
