I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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