Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
