You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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