His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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