We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
