That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
