They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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