Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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