I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
