i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
