totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
