Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
