i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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