So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
