I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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