I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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