And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
