The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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