Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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