i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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