it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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