We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
