I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're like the curious george of whores
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
