remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
