I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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