i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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