I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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