remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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