I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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