you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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