Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
