Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
