saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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