I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this boner is exhausting
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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