I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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