You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
