I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
