I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
