He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
