I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
