It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
