please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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