Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
