What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
