Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
