Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We're too hungover to prance.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
