All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
