The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
