grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
