My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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