yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
