put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
