how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
