my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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