I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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