I want to walk on stilts...naked
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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