how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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