I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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