Are we in a gay sports bar?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
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I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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