oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
NoShamevember. You game?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
